Sometimes, the beautiful game's good looks are only skin deep.
Take Arsenal. They're sexy. Maybe not as much as they used to be, but still sexy . . . sort of like John Laws.
And yet, still-sexy Arsenal got beat by League Two battler Bradford, who could only be called sexy in the same way Ricky Tomlinson is.
Not a great day for the Arsenal, nor indeed embattled manager Arsene Wenger. But it was svelte Ivorian Gunner Gervinho who summed up that good looks aren't everything with this very ugly miss:
Arsenal, however, is not the only squatter in the ugliest house on Grotesque St, not by a long chalk.
Brian Wilson - who The Circus thought was famous for writing beautiful melodies and being really freaking weird - scored a wonderfully pantomime own goal for Colchester:
Hey Brian, it's behind you!
Bet he didn't have much fun, fun, fun with that effort. Wouldn't it be nice if Brian could have his time again because god only knows how he managed to let that one in. Reckon he hopes he'll never do it again. Don't worry baby, his significant other - possibly called Barbara Ann - might have said, now you know how the pet sounds when it's chasing its tail.
But, remarkably, it gets uglier. This penalty attempt from Ilombe Mboyo is a about as attractive as the dirty clothes basket in a Sumo's bachelor pad:
And speaking of Sumos, Japanese club side Sanfreece Hiroshima decided to channel the big fellas after scoring a goal in the Club World Cup:
Big on preparation, short on action wasn't it? Just like a real Sumo bout. Or Arsenal's League Cup campaign.
Anyone for tennis?
Tommy Haas has found something he is better at than Roger Federer ... it's not tennis, obviously:
FFA has proved no concept is beneath it by announcing that the touring Manchester United side will take on an A-League 'All Stars' team in 2013.
Some like the move but The Circus, incurable cynic that it is, believes it is a mere cash grab designed to get all the A-League's big-dollar imports on the one park at the one time while denying a local mob the chance to build fans, history and mythology.
Of course, the All Star concept is not the only American fad taking off in this country.
If we're really lucky perhaps FFA will go into partnership with that particular company and we can all enjoy a hotdog-stuffed-crust-pizza while watching Shinji Ono put it all on the line for the All Stars.
"I deserved that yellow card and set a bad example. That'll teach me. As for the rest, it was a great victory."
- Juventus defender Leonardo Bonucci, speaking after this . . . um . . . effort:
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Philip Micallef is a football writer with almost 40 years of experience. He has worked for News Limited and now SBS. He is a long-time follower of AC Milan.
A journalist with decades of experience on TV and radio, Tony is an expert on all things Italian - including football.