Be afraid, very afraid, as The Circus comes knocking with a Halloween edition filled to the brim with all things ghastly.
The happenings in world football have been freaky, fraught and downright fustigating in recent times but perhaps the scariest event of all on Halloween was Arsenal's resurrection from the dead against Reading.
Like a zombie emerging from the crypt with an overpowering lust for sweet brains and even sweeter goals, the Gunners came back from 4-0 to win a spine-chilling League Cup tie 7-5 in extra time.
Arsenal's French pair Olivier Giroud and Francis Coquelin were so terrified that when regulation time ended at 4-4, they started tearing their clothes off in horror:
Reading manager Brian McDermott, suitably mortified, said the match "felt like a funeral" ... presumably one of those funerals that start out really, really awesomely but turn into some kind of nightmarish horror show a little after half way through.
But surely the most blood-curdling moment of the whole shebang came after the incredible match when Arsene Wegner, according to eye-witness reports, could "barely contain his laughter".
And we all know what Arsene's laughter sounds like don't we, kiddies?
Juventus players have got into the spirit by dressing up as monsters, ghouls and Mark Clattenburg as a special Halloween treat.
Gianluigi Buffoon dressed as Freddie Krueger, Antonio Conte was Count Dracula and Andrea Pirlo came as Zlatan Ibrahimovic.
Did you like that one, Arsene Wegner?
For players with truly terrifying names, it's like Halloween all year round but The Circus believes it has identified the scariest, most ghoulish player of them all; the one guaranteed to have small children screaming in hysterical fear should he come anywhere near them.
For sheer shock power, Leeds Unuted's Luke Varney must take the brain-flavoured, blood-soaked cake for his frightful miss from approximately 12 millimetres in front of a goal more wide open and gaping than Neil Warnock's mouth:
No prizes for guessing how Arsene 'Shadenfreude' Wegner reacted to the miss.
But even Arsene Wegner might run out of chuckle after reading Sebastian Coe's new book (and didn't the world need that?) in which he claims England missed out on the 2018 FIFA World Cup host gig because the game "is run by idiots".
The man making that allegation? Sepp Blatter.
Now that's proper scary.
"What I said in relation to their style of play went too far".
- Liverpool captain Steve Gerrard backs away from comments that cross-town rival Everton play like those monsters from Stoke City instead comparing them to deranged mass slayers of camping teens, which is slightly less offensive and a lot less scary.
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The Circus is The World Game's regular look at the beautiful game from left field. So join us every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for something a little more light-hearted than the norm.
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