The Circus - 27 October

Stick 1, Carrot 0

Over in Singapore, league bosses are looking for a way to motivate rubbish teams to, well, be a bit less rubbish. It's a thorny problem, as anyone who has seen the Singapore national team can perhaps attest, but the league think it has hit upon a solution.

While the S.League title race goes down to the wire this weekend, with Tampines Rovers holding off Brunei by one point with one game remaining, the bottom two teams will be punished for their lowly league finish with hefty fines.

Woodlands Wellington FC, which is certain to finish bottom, will be stung for $40,000.

"We hope these [penalties] will inspire clubs to do well," a league spokesman said.

Fans are reportedly unhappy, but the Circus thinks it is an excellent idea that should be applied on a sliding scale to all acts of football incompetence.

This corner, for example, would be enough to swell the Serie A coffers by at least a few thousand euros.

And you can mark Micah Richards down for a few bob for this innovative snafu against Ajax.

Of course, there are also failures whose magnificence cannot be measured in dollars and cents.

Going …

On Tuesday night, former Corinthians star and Black Eyed Peas sensation Will.I.An helped Shakhtar Donetsk to a Champions League upset over Chelsea.

Clearly, as well as knowing how to unpick a top-shelf defence the Brazilian knows an opportunity when he sees one. He used his time in the international spotlight after the game to tell anyone who would listen that he wanted to leave the Ukrainian champions.

"My work here is complete," he said. "I've already made it clear to everyone, I want to go. I would like to play in a big team in a big tournament like the Premier League or Serie A. I like Chelsea, AC Milan and Inter."

And they say money has sucked all the loyalty out of football.

Going …

AC Milan has been a basket case so far this season. It has played 11 matches, winning three, drawing two and losing six. AC Milan vice-president Adriano Galliani is owner Silvio Berlusconi's eyes and ears at the club, and he has backed manager Massimiliano Allegri in the strongest possible terms. "The coach is not under threat, this is clear," Galliani said last month. This week he added: "The president and I are convinced we should go forward with Allegri".

The Circus gives Allegri a week.

Gone …

Ipswich boss Paul Jewell tells the BBC on Monday that he and owner Marcus Evans "have a really open and honest relationship. If he was looking for somebody he would have told me … He wants me to stay. I want to stay."

Wednesday: Leaves by 'mutual consent'

Sliding doors

These are the two most enjoyable revelations about Cristiano Ronaldo contained in a new book about the Real Madrid-Barcelona rivalry:

1) He was given his second name after his father's favourite actor, Ronald Reagan. Had his father been a fan of The Great Escape, he could easily have been named Steve.

2) According to his mother, Ronaldo was nicknamed 'cry baby' as a child and used to become upset if his friends didn't score when he passed the ball to them. Give me the child, as the saying begins.

The spoken word

"Heskey Cam gives you it all. One camera, one hero. Every pass, every run. Everything Heskey does on the pitch, you'll see it first with the Heskey Cam; the dedicated broadcast providing a rare insight into what makes Heskey so good."

- Fox Sports satisfies the demands of a hungry nation to strip the extraneous 21 players from football matches and focus entirely on Emile Heskey.