The little-known benefits of playing with poultry and Wayne Rooney's auditions for a role as 007.
Pinocchio's poultry return
Gonzo - of Muppets fame - knew that all pursuits in life are improved by the delightful bobbing strut of free-ranging chickens.
It is why he surrounded himself with chickens day and night.
Imagine your own home, workplace or boudoir with a bunch of clucking companions scratching around.
Smiling, aren't you? Feeling better about things generally? Of course you are. As they were in Argentina when Quilmes fans released some chooks during the match against River Plate:
Of course, that little escapade had something to do with the fact that River are also known, not so affectionately, as “the Chickens”.
And speaking of Wankas, Chelsea, after winning without banned captain John Terry against Spurs, lost with him against Shakhtar.
Maybe his team-mates were too stunned by that armband to perform properly.
Now, Chelsea is in real danger of becoming the first defending champ to be dumped from the Champions League in the group stage.
More chickens needed at Stamford Bridge, The Circus thinks. JT would be perfect as Gonzo.
Certainly, his nose should be about the right dimensions by now.
Frequent (low) flyers
It has emerged Arsenal chartered a flight to travel to the far flung wilderness of Norwich for last weekend's English Premier League match.
The flight lasted 15 minutes. Arsenal lost 1-0.
Imagine the scoreline if it ever tees up a friendly with Melbourne Victory.
Contrast that with Greek club Veria, who made a round bus trip lasting 17 hours just to lose to league rival Asteras.
The lesson? Travel by hovercraft. Or, if you must make use of more conventional means, at least take a chicken.
The Circus could show videos of players kicking fans in a Copa Sudamericana match between Cerro Porteno and Colon, or players kicking players from a delightful kiddies match in Paraguay, but it thinks football has enough black eyes and split lips and broken teeth and bullets through its boorish, racist, violent brain for one week.
So here's some good stuff instead.
Gorgeous George Boyd picks up a half volley and sends it smoothly over the goalie's head from beyond 40 yards.
Nicklas Helenius channels Dennis Bergkamp:
And Wayne Rooney gets a trial at Her Majesty's Secret Service FC:
If the Cold War was still on, the Russians would be shortening by the minute.
From one who knows about maggots
Mr Dial-a-Tweet, Joey Barton, has thrown his two bob into the ongoing players dispute in England, referring to Professional Footballers' Association head Gordon Taylor as a "fat, festering old king, too drunk on power or wine to notice that his meal is a rotting corpse of maggots".
For all his faults, Joey does have a way with words. Although, it wouldn't really be a rotting corpse of maggots, rather a rotting corpse full of maggots. Anyway . . .
Barton made his tweet in response to rumblings that black players were considering setting up their own union in the face of official failure to adequately deal with racism within the game.
If ever a breakaway players union starts for the friendless, The Circus knows who should be president.
"I have stopped playing Real Madrid (on the games console) in the past week. It will be a real highlight to have them in the stadium and not on playstation."
Borussia Dortmund star Sven Bender denies himself the classic preparation to any Champions League tie: playing your opponents in FIFA 13.
Sadly for makers of the video game, the tactic worked, with the German club victorious 2-1.
Expect a sharp sales decline from the demographic of those who get to live the real thing anyway.
Meet Our Bloggers
Fondly known as 'Mr Football', Les has been directly involved in all
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football tournaments. Follow @lesmurraysbs on Twitter.
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Considered one of Australia's most gifted players, Ned Zelic represented the Socceroos 34 times over a decorated career that spanned Europe, Asia and the United Kingdom. Follow @NedZelic on Twitter.
After years playing abroad and a 20-goal career for the Socceroos, David turned his hand to football punditry and is a beach football fanatic. Follow @zdrila on Twitter.
Scott’s passion and knowledge of Asian football has consolidated his reputation as Australia’s foremost Asian football expert.
Vitor commentates for SBS and works as a presenter for The World Game. His passion for European football resonates through his blogs. Follow @Vitor_TWG on Twitter.
Philip Micallef is a football writer with almost 40 years of experience. He has worked for News Limited and now SBS. He is a long-time follower of AC Milan.
The Circus is The World Game's regular look at the beautiful game from left field. So join us every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for something a little more light-hearted than the norm.
British-born Tim works as a journalist and has lived in Brazil since 1994 and provides unrivalled knowledge of South American football.
Hailing from Amsterdam, Ajax tragic Cornell vander Heyden has over 12 years of journalism experience and cites covering the 2006 World Cup among his career highlights. Follow @dvanda101 on Twitter.