The Circus - 18 October

Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed

The Circus, simple soul that it is, always thought the idea of roofs was to keep rain out.

In these days of technological marvels, however, like moon rockets and Wayne Rooney's hair, roofs have become retractable, and so the temptation to open them and let the sunshine in has become overwhelming.

But as awesomely cool as having an open roof is - as cool as having no roof at all, really - one must always remember that closed roofs keep out more rain than open ones.

Especially if it is raining.

This lesson came home to roost, like a pigeon made enormous through exposure to nuclear materials (more on this later) through the open roof of a stadium, in Warsaw, where torrential rain forced the postponement of Poland's World Cup qualification tie with England.

This is of particular relevance to future opponents of the Socceroos because, after writing off Australia's chances of even playing in Brazil in 2014, The Circus now believes we are on track to win the whole bloody shebang.

Yes, The Circus has flip-flopped, done a one-eighty and is saying anything to placate Archie Thompson after Australia displayed something approaching vim in its come-from-behind victory over Iraq in Doha.

In fact, after watching a reenergised Socceroos create plenty of chances against a not terrible opponent, The Circus firmly believes the only things standing in between us and global football domination are retracted roofs and acts of god.

Oh, and Jordan.

Eight arms to hold you

A French sports reporter has upset Japanese football fans by displaying a photoshopped picture of Blue Samurai goalkeeper Eiji Kawashima with four arms and calling it the "Fukushima effect".

Keen followers of world events will remember the earthquake and subsequent tsunami that caused meltdown in the Fukushima nuclear facility and the deaths of many thousands of people.

Still, it all happened a long way from France, where football journalists only have this reference from a 1953 popular science magazine on what radiation exposure actually does to people.

Actually, you'd think the penny would have dropped for the French after all those years of trying to create nuclear-powered super-footballers in the South Pacific.

Tahiti couldn’t even beat New Zealand for Chrissake.

The ill-advised joke came hot on the heels of the AFC referring to the United Arab Emirates team as "sand monkeys", a mistake it said was made by a "concerned editor".

The Circus bets the editor became a lot more concerned when he realised the internet page he got the reference from was about as genuine as Steve McLaren's Dutch accent.

Fancy blindly relying on facts sourced on the internet! Or, even worse, creating a whole football column based solely around whatever smartarsery you found online, whether it was true or not.

In other sensational news, it has emerged that David Beckham is actually an 18th century Chinese goalkeeper and Janey, that cute girl who lives down the street is, like, totally into you.

A not so excellent adventure

If you need any proof nostalgia is back with a vengeance, look no further than those retro-stylers from Krusevac who made Serbia's loss to England in the Under-21s European Championship qualifier such a fun-filled ode to the 1970s.

Horrendous fashion? Check. Bad hair? Check. Lashings of violence? Double check. Monkey chants? You betcha.

The Circus believes Boney M had even been booked to mime 'Rasputin' at half-time but the necessary new-fangled gizmos, like electricity, were not available. That, and the likelihood they would be subject to racist abuse.

It was like travelling to a different age in a time machine, the same one Mark Bosnich has used to age 15 years in between A-League seasons.

Refreshingly, the aftermath featured more contemporary concepts like blame-shifting and bald-faced hypocrisy.

So nice to see football administration in the region catch up with the 21st century.

Photo op

The Circus might be biased, but it finds it hard to imagine officials showing such warmth to Cristiano Ronaldo.

Spoken word

"My grandson Mateo moves better on the pitch than Andy Carroll. Mateo is very good at golf and tennis. He has better co-ordination."

- But how good is he at boxing, Zbigniew? Poland legend Zbigniew Boniek either thinks very little of Andy Carroll, or very much of his grandson Mateo.