Ashley Cole takes centre stage in the big top, while Emmanuel Adebayor reveals the equine-related secret to his success.
Free to do whatever he likes
Only last week, Liverpool was getting all uppity because Luis Suarez's reputation as a diver was costing him genuine penalties.
The Circus even wrote about it, which legitimises football issues in the eyes of so, so many.
With that recent history in mind, you'd think it would behove Suarez to avoid falling over as if an invisible pygmy hippopotamus had run onto the field and sexually assaulted him.
But he's been at it again, raising the ire of Stoke City Manager Tony Pulis and the indifference of his own boss Brendan Rogers, who blames the media (who else?) for Luis being as steady on his legs as an inebriated ship's cat on shore leave.
"Whatever Luis does there will always be a problem, whether it's media, referees or whatever", Rogers said.
The Circus thinks his latest effort probably falls into the "whatever" category.
Although there's always time-travelling cowboys, an option Rodgers should also be exploring.
Career advice for aspiring stars
In The Circus' continuing series published for the education of future football professionals, we come to point 75: social media.
It is less injurious to one's career to elbow another player in the face or stamp on him than to criticise the Football Association by way of twitter.
Here endeth the lesson.
The Cole war
Ashley Cole has not restricted his digital ire to those in officialdom.
The Chelsea defender also had a go at player-turned-pundit Alan Shearer for suggesting Cole should be banned after likening the FA to parts of the female anatomy – unfavourably, apparently.
Shearer, champion of the common folk, now knows what it is to be cyber bullied but at least he hasn't had to return any luxury cars.
There are now concerns about Cole's place in the England squad, given he would have to interact with people he thought were jerks.
The Circus believes these fears are unfounded. He has to interact with John Terry every week and he seems to handle that OK.
Horse of power
Blimey, no wonder Spurs are doing so well:
They're also playing pretty good football, apparently.
"This is a player Roy Hodgson should now be taking a keen interest in."
- BBC football expert Garth Crooks spruiks James Morrison's England credentials. Just one problem: James Morrison has already represented Scotland on 23 occasions.
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