The Circus - 20 September

Mascot watch

Brazil unveiled its mascot for the 2014 World Cup, an armadillo of which there are hardly any left in existence ... like Socceroos that can score goals. 

The choice was met with satisfaction by FIFA, which is just happy it isn't Ricardo Teixeira.

However, the armadillo and Texeira do share one trait, namely rolling up into a ball when threatened.

"The fact that the three-banded armadillo is a vulnerable species is very fitting," FIFA Secretary General Jerome Valcke said, his wizened eyebrows raised in the general direction of Sepp Blatter. 

The critter, if this video is to be believed, was chosen after someone had a drug-induced hallucination featuring Ronaldo:

The Circus would like to know why Ronaldo is walking alone through a dark wood. It certainly isn't for exercise by the look of him.

Continuing on the vain of mascots as oversized rodents, rumour has it Russia will select Donnie Darko for the next World Cup; a choice that becomes doubly appropriate when you realise Vladimir Putin will be the one wearing the suit.

The cat's whiskers

Joy for cat owners the Cookes from Reading, whose lost moggy Merlin magically reappeared after five years of untouched bowls of niblets.

The news sent ripples of relief throughout the football community because the cat's uncle is owned by Thierry Henry. The French ace, overjoyed that his own cat is now free of the stress of the last five years, expressed himself thusly:

Cynics may ponder that feline familial connections are easily claimed but no so easily proved. The Circus is not one of them.

In fact, it once had a cat whose cousin scratched Harry Kewell's right leg ... apparently, he hardly noticed. 

The force is with him

Dramane Traore impressed with his bicycle kick:

But not nearly as much as Pekka Sihvola from Finnish club MYPA, who went all Luke Skywalker for this penalty: 

Impressive reflexes, no? Almost cat-like, some might say.

Special one, two, three

Cristiano Ronaldo is happy again, Joe Hart is sad and Roberto Mancini is angry.  

That's the wash-up from the big clash of the opening round of the Champions League as Real Madrid spectacularly came from behind to beat Manchester City 3-2.

The game left Jose Mourinho unchanged, however. He is still a reactionary jerk. 

"I know everything that was prepared", he said, letting his omniscience out of the bag. "I know everything was written before it happened. All of your computers were going 'delete, delete, delete'."

Yes, Jose, the world's media were wishing you to fail ... wonder why that could be? 

To be fair to Mourinho, though, he has been under a lot of stress since he learnt his cat's sister-in-law has been having relationship difficulties.

Mile high club has restricted membership

Barcelona reportedly requested that it be serviced by all female flight crews when traveling around Europe.  

The request is not for the reason you are thinking – so Pinto can test all manner of powders and rouges and whatnot – but because the players are overly put upon by male flight attendants asking for their autographs. The bastards.

That, and the fact that Barca's travel manager is Cory Bernadi and he's pretty nervous about male flight attendants.

He is very keen on cats, however. Very keen, if you get The Circus's drift.

Spoken word

"One time he even spat at me after a tackle." – Gaby Mudingayi reveals the reason he did not go to AC Milan was because former player Zlatan Ibrahimovic once spat at him, a gesture most of the Swede's team-mates would consider akin to a pat on the bum.