The Circus - 16 August

Bitter? Us? Not at all.

Because we haven't had enough of being beaten by 'Britain' recently, the Socceroos stepped up and allowed one component of Team GB, Scotland, to pull its pants down at Easter Road.

When do we get a crack at the Isle of Man?

And the Olympic Games after party continued unabated as England scored a rare win over Italy thanks to this freakin' scorcher from Jermaine Defoe:

At least Wales got beaten. The upstarts.

Worst penalty miss ever?

If the object of taking a penalty was to kick the ball as hard and as high and as far away from goal as you could without actually turning around 180 degrees and shooting back at your end, then this guy would be Lionel Messi:

Meanwhile, the real Lionel Messi – when he wasn't helping Argentina fix up Germany – was taking the heat out of pitch invasions by being his adorable, cuddly self:

Honestly, they should sell soft toys of the bloke.

Another Jose, another planet

Self-belief is required to succeed at football's elite level and there's no doubting the self-belief of Jose Mourinho.

"In England, I was presented as the 'Special One'," he said in a recent TV interview.

"Whether you like it or not, I am the only one who has won the English, Italian and Spanish championships. So, more than the 'Special One', they must begin to call me the 'Only One'".

Yes, we must. We must call him the Only One.

God only knows what Jose would have us call him if he was, you know, a bit full of himself. Which he totally isn't.

"After having won practically everything, as time has passed I have become less self-centred and egocentric ... I also think I could have been a good human resources executive".

Hmmmm ... a HR department run by Jose Mourinho. No prizes for guessing who would win most of the 'Jose of the Month' awards.

Perhaps Nicklas Bendtner, who is currently looking for gainful employment, could apply to Jose for a job.

But Bendtner, who has confirmed his break up with Arsenal is mutual, won't just line up for any old club willing to pay him truckloads of cash to run around ineffectually for 95 per cent of the time, oh no.

The Danish international has three demands that prospective clubs must meet before he scrawls his moniker on the dotted line.

They aren't:

1. Bestowing of a cool nickname like 'The Really Special One' or 'The Other Only One' or 'His Doubleplussgoodness' or something.

2. Freedom to wear sponsored undies, as well as that pair with the picture of the worm and the words "girl bait" on them.

3. An absence of Arsene Wenger.

Spoken (or texted) word

Just how exactly did the Robin Van Persie deal get done? Perhaps we'll never know. Or then again …