The Circus - 9 August

More than one way to get your kicks

Here's a newsflash: a former team-mate of Zlatan Ibrahimovic says he was occasionally "a little heavy-handed" with his team-mates.

Gosh, really?

Stephan El Shaarawy says life will be a bit different at AC Milan without Ibra's hi-jinx, what with players not having to worry about being abused or kicked:

Or thumped or kicked:

Or kicked:

Paris Saint-Germain players, on the other hand, are taking out cheekbone insurance.

Ibra's influence seems to have extended beyond his own clubs, however.

Bayern Munich player, the appropriately named Holger Badstuber, looks to have been inspired by the Swede's relentless professionalism and desire to assault his team-mates:

And even back room staff are getting in on the action.

Although, Fluminense's kit man's attack on the assistant referee after a disallowed goal was probably less a product of ultra competitiveness and more a product of being a jerk.

Prognosticate or perish

'Punxsutawney' Tony Hibbert predicted Wayne Rooney will one way return from whence he came; no, not the hair transplant place for a refund but Everton.

Evertonian stalwart Hibbert seems to have mixed up "prediction" with "desire". He is also predicting the Polish women's volleyball team will take him out for a night on the town and that one day, maybe, even in a testimonial match or something like that, he'll actually score a goal:

Wherever Wayne does end up, The Circus is guessing Noel Gallagher will still think he looks like a balloon with a crushed weet-bix on top.

Dumb, dumber and dumberer

Peter Crouch tells Michael Owen Stoke is not a step down from Man United, Hatem Ben Arfa says Newcastle can win the Premier League and FIFA says England is now the number three team in the world.

Seems like Sepp BlatteR's evil plan to make everyone in the world say really stupid things to deflect attention away from further FIFA scandal is working.

Spoken word

"Bayoneting the wounded is neither justified nor proportionate." – Former Rangers owner and Knight of the Realm Sir David Murray claims to have no involvement in the breaches that have seen the club relegated to Scottish third division, while advocating the wounded should be left in the field of battle to die a slow and painful death.