The Circus - 24 July

You can't win all the time

Carlos Tevez is many things - toothy, gifted, temperamental, short - but above all, he is a winner. The Circus knows this because his trophy cabinet is filled with trinkets from the Copa Libertadores, the UEFA Champions League, league titles in Brazil and England and even an Olympic gold medal.

However, there are some things Carlos Tevez is not. He is not a World Cup winner, for instance. Nor does he have a Copa America winner's medal. And he is certainly not a golf caddy, despite what his new best friend Andres Romero might have thought after their pro-am win last summer.

Romero, who was in the race for a top-10 finish before Tevez joined the gallery on Saturday, fired a combined 19-over par on the last two days of the British Open. His worst effort - a 12-over shocker on the final day that left him stone motherless last - came with Tevez on his bag, resplendent in his finest street-gangster fashion.

While Romero wallowed in ignominy, Tevez told The Sun he had a great time: "This was the dream of everybody who plays golf. It was my first Major!" (Pity it didn't end with Romero winning his first.)

"It was difficult to carry the bag because it weighed so much but it was fine." (Nobody told him it was taller than him. Not fair.)

"I couldn't give any advice about the slopes but I just carried the bag and supported him each hole. Andres is a professional and he knows everything already. We worked together very well." (As reflected by an excellent showing on the leaderboard.)

But Carlos shouldn't be too disheartened. The season opener is less than a month away and he can get back to doing what he does best: alienating everyone around him en route to another sackful of winner's medals.

This season's Joey Barton

Where would the Circus, and indeed the world in general, have been without the Twitter stylings of Joey Barton last season? We'd probably be completely unaware that he was England's best midfielder, despite the fact he only has one cap to his name. We'd probably also find ourselves a little short on George Orwell quotes, when we think about it. With the QPR man set to spend a fair chunk of this season on the sidelines, we thought now might be a good time to see what other footballers could fill the void this year.

Step up Chelsea's Ashley Cole.

Cole has only been on Twitter since Sunday, but the signs are already positive. It seems his main reason for joining social media is to troll Arsenal supporters, which The Circus must admit is a fun way to pass the time, even for us non-footballers. Stay tuned for more updates throughout the season.

Nobody puts Bebe in the corner

Looks like that £7.4 million Manchester United spent on Portuguese third division player Bebe in 2010 might not have been wasted.

As long as the Red Devils were after a player that can perform against the might of Ajax Cape Town in a pre-season friendly in South Africa, that is.

The spoken word

"I think Modric is wrong (to want to leave Tottenham). This will go against him. He has worsened the situation with what he's doing and now the chairman (Daniel Levy) is very angry."

- Andre Villas-Boas tries the 'you'll make the chairman angry' routine to try and convince Luka Modric to stay at White Hart Lane. Meanwhile, Modric is trying the 'Carlos Tevez' routine in a bid to force his way to Real Madrid.