If Fernando Torres could draw a transfer fee or £50 million then it seems plausible that Mario Balotelli would be worth £200 million... right?
Form is temporary, trophies are forever
It is commonly held that Fernando Torres has never been the same since going under the knife just before the World Cup finals in 2010 to fix a long-standing knee problem. The pace, the keen eye for a goal, the passion for peroxide and alice bands - all gone.
At least, that's what the tabloids tell us.
But since the fateful operation that robbed Torres of his god-given talents - just like the haircut that rendered Samson a mere mortal, or the hairpiece that did the same to Wayne Rooney - the Spaniard has enjoyed what looks on paper to be the best years of his career
A World Cup winner's medal in South Africa? Check. A £50 million transfer to the club of his choice? Check. UEFA Champions League winner's medal? Check. EURO 2012 winner's medal? Check. EURO 2012 Golden Boot award? Check.*
If that isn't enough, Torres also scored the goal that sealed Chelsea's place in the UCL final at the expense of reigning champion Barcelona. And all this came while pocketing a reported £175,000 of Roman Abramovich's petrodollars.
The Circus doesn't even need to engage the office hyperbole department to declare it one of the greatest two-year periods enjoyed by any footballer in the history of the game. It is certainly the greatest return from a striker who failed to score for five months (or 26 games, or 15 hours, or 903 minutes) of that time.
After his latest gong, maybe Chelsea boss Roberto di Matteo will even let him take a penalty next time the Blues face a shootout, thereby avoiding ugly scenes like this.
* Never mind that two of Torres's three goals came against the EURO 2012 whipping boys from Republic of Ireland. Or that his goal and assist in the final came when the contest against a 10-man Italy was dead and buried. Goals are goals, whether they come against Lionel Messi's Barcelona, Joey Barton's QPR or third-tier Preston North End. Just ask Fernando.
What will we do without Super Mario?
Mario Balotelli's agent thinks his client is worth £200 million to Manchester City after his brilliant showing at EURO 2012.
If his reaction after Italy's loss, where he stormed down the tunnel as soon as the final whistle was blown, is anything to go by, The Circus is willing to chip in its lunch money to keep its biggest source of stories in the EPL next season
Shearer's one-track mind
If you thought Spain's utter dominance of international football over the past four years was the result of superior technique, outstanding coaching and the combined talents of a golden generation of players, Alan Shearer is here to tell you that you were wrong.
According to the former England striker turned BBC pundit, Spain's EURO 2012 triumph is more about what Xavi, Andres Iniesta and Xabi Alonso get up to in their time away from the pitch:
The spoken word
"Us against Stoke? In America? What are you trying to do? Put them off? - Former Sunderland manager Steve Bruce didn't think much of ESPN's plans to broadcast the Black Cats' Premier League clash against the Potters into the US back in 2010.
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