Some of the celebrations at EURO 2012 have left a lot to be desired but they don't come close to the ridiculousness of some comments from people that should know better.
The old and the old
Despite team disharmony, controversial selection policies and abysmal haircuts, all the old monoliths of European football are through to the knockout stages of the tournament. And isn't everyone excited by it?
Wayne Rooney celebrated England's ascension from the group by pretending to don hair spray (or was that spray-on hair?), while Ukraine coach Oleg Blokhin celebrated his team's knockout by challenging a reporter to a "man conversation".
The Circus is not sure whether that was a threat or a come on, or which scenario is actually more frightening.
Sepp Blatter celebrated by embracing the technology of the 1970s, French players celebrated by punching on with each other, and the Italian coaching staff took a really long walk and found God... turns out, it isn't Mario Ballotelli.
And all this can be still be enjoyed on a single currency thanks to Greece, which is hoping Germany celebrates by plonking €16 billion on the nations' quarter-final match... unless the Greeks lose of course.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic did not have anything to celebrate with Sweden going out. But he celebrated anyway:
Stranger than fiction
With EURO 2012 in full swing, European clubs are trying to capture some attention by making outlandish claims.
Barcelona president Sandro Rossell, for instance, said Cristiano Ronaldo would not even make the starting XI at his club.
Now, Ronaldo may be thoroughly unlikable but not only does he show a genuine willingness to help very sick children, he can - it is generally accepted - play the game to a pretty accomplished level.
And Tottenham Hotspur is reminding everyone it exists but peddling some ludicrous story about sacking Harry Redknapp and installing Andre Villas Boas.
Now, really, 'Arry took Spurs from also-rans to much better also-rans and Villas Boas showed at Chelsea that... what's that? No! Really?
Oh. So it's true then. Perhaps Spurs are going with a like-for-like replacement. AVB could kind of pass as 'Arry, provided you closed your eyes, blocked your ears and cut your head off.
Over at arch-rival Arsenal, Arsene Wenger has used confectionary to keep his club in the headlines offering to shell out for a Caramello if Robin van Persie leaves the Gunners.
Now, that's confidence. Rich, chocolatey, caramel confidence.
"The problem is the arrival of technology because, after, you'll need technology for deciding handballs and then for offside decisions and so on. It'll be like that forever and ever. It'll never stop. That's the problem I have." - Michel Platini’s fear of eternity leaves him as the only person in the world opposed to goal-line technology. Perhaps a "man conversation" with Oleg Blokhin would change his mind.
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