Not even a food fight at a glitzy football wedding can steal the headlines away from a major tournament that is making do without the vuvuzela.
The finer things in life
As the average Premier League player salary hits more than $34,500 a week, the life of a modern-day footballer is one of untold riches. And with great reward comes great responsibility – such as working out how to fritter away as much of your loot as humanly possible, in the most ridiculous fashion.
Some choose to rent luxury houses at exorbitant rates before blowing up the bathroom with pyrotechnics; others might prefer to design and build ridiculous flower-shaped hobbit houses in the name of saving the planet.
A few rare kind souls even try to donate as much of their wealth as possible to both the public purse, their club and the Football Association.
However, not every top-flight footballer is blessed with the means to entertain the British public with their off-field antics on a weekly basis.
Some, like former Newcastle midfielder Danny Guthrie, have to settle for amusing just their family and friends with lobster-fuelled food fights.
Guthrie's $62,500 wedding reception at Allerton Castle descended into chaos as guests hurled cordon bleu crustaceans at each other before starting a number of fights that resulted in two visits from the local constabulary. A door to the castle was also allegedly smashed in, presumably by a guest seeking a suit of armour and/or a medieval weapon to take into battle.
Guthrie's bride, Rebecca, was reportedly punched in the face and had to go to hospital the next morning. Guthrie - who is yet to find a new club - denied any of it took place.
The Circus can only hope that Mario Balotelli's wide-ranging search for a nice girl to settle down with ends soon. Preferably in time to get married in the next European summer. In a castle. With mountains of caviar and Carlos Tevez as his best man.
Bring back the vuvuzelas
A major football tournament kicked off on the weekend and thanks to the obedience of Polish and Ukrainian fans The Circus doesn't have a buzzing in its ears this morning.
The fans aren't the only ones that have kept the buzzing to a minimum for EURO 2012. Even the Vuvuzela itself hasn't tweeted for over a year. The official EURO 2012 ball wishes the local bug population would follow the hallowed horn's lead, though.
Those of you who were up early to watch the France v England match may, however, have a different view. If you were wondering what the terrible din was at the Donbass Arena in Donetsk, it was the Official England Supporters Band.
Here are the band member on their reconnaissance mission to the Ukraine earlier this year:
In the video the director asks whether they get together to do rehearsals, to which a band member replies "rehearsals to do what?"
It is also worth pointing out that the group's trombone player is Bernie Clifton, a man better known in the UK for riding a fake ostrich.
The spoken word
"If it is ever proven true that John Terry was chosen over Rio (Ferdinand) because of race then I would tell the FA that they can take back my 73 caps and scrub my name out of the record books. I would no longer want to be known as someone who played for England – that would be the end for me." – Former England defender Sol Campbell leaves leaves Guardian readers in no doubt where his loyalties lie over the furore surrounding Ferdinand's continued omission from the Three Lions squad.
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Philip Micallef is a football writer with almost 40 years of experience. He has worked for News Limited and now SBS. He is a long-time follower of AC Milan.
The Circus is The World Game's regular look at the beautiful game from left field. So join us every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for something a little more light-hearted than the norm.
British-born Tim works as a journalist and has lived in Brazil since 1994 and provides unrivalled knowledge of South American football.
Hailing from Amsterdam, Ajax tragic Cornell vander Heyden has over 12 years of journalism experience and cites covering the 2006 World Cup among his career highlights. Follow @dvanda101 on Twitter.