Aussie Eddy Bosnar fires a rocket in Asia while England makes sure its EURO 2012 squad doesn't get its knickers in a knot.
Poms are pants - it is foretold
England is so confident ahead of the European championship it is sending its players to the tournament without any underwear. Talk about cocky.
But there is at least one man who thinks the old dart's pantless approach will prove a winner. Cristiano Ronaldo says he 'expects' England to win the Championship.
Of course, he also said Italy, Portugal, Netherlands, Germany and Spain would win too.
Ronaldo, realizing that a major tournament just isn't a major tournament without a psychic critter of some sort in tow, is clearly trying to fill the enormous void left by the passing of Paul, the prognostic octopus who did more for the concept of Que Sera Sera than Doris Day.
But he shouldn't have worried. Displaying their famed flair with language, the Ukrainians have unearthed 'Psychic Pig', the psychic pig.
PP, a lover of beer and fried food, will be offered two plates of grub resplendent with national colours before each match. Whichever he eats first will represent the victorious nation.
Unless he's wrong, of course, in which case PP might find himself representing the host nation, and not on the pitch.
Wow, if booze and potato chips is all it takes to develop psychic powers,The Circus is going to call Tomas Brolin and ask him for this week's lotto numbers.
Sporting a new look
As is well known, The Circus loves adjectives that are also verbs; as in, 'the FA has given preening recidivist Joey Barton a 12-match ban'.
So in a segue about as smooth as Alexi Lalas's shave, Louis Van Gaal is set to become Liverpool's first ever 'Sporting Director', which is like any other director except more prone to wear polo shirts and flashy shoes.
Then again, maybe Andre Villas-Boas turned up to pitch for the job of manager sporting director Alfred Hitchcock as an attractive portly-man-sized attache case, which, coincidentally, would be just large enough to fit Andy Carroll's dismembered body.
Drills and dills
Asia: football's new horizon; the sport's promised land; home of famed skill and brutal power:
And also home to muppets:
"At Arsenal [the name John Terry] is another word for an ugly girl. If there’s a girl around that we don’t really like, we use it as a smokescreen, as in: “Have you seen John Terry recently? He’s terrible. I recommend this, it really works." – Feminist and Gunners' custodian Wojciech Szczesny gets all cloak and dagger in his efforts to avoid unwanted attention at night clubs. The Circus can only wonder what the code word 'Nobby Stiles' stands for.
Meet Our Bloggers
Fondly known as 'Mr Football', Les has been directly involved in all
the major events covered by SBS Sport, including five World Cup
football tournaments. Follow @lesmurraysbs on Twitter.
As SBS’s chief football analyst, Craig provides expert opinion and unrivalled insight. He has also represented the Socceroos and played abroad. Follow @Craig_Foster on Twitter.
Considered one of Australia's most gifted players, Ned Zelic represented the Socceroos 34 times over a decorated career that spanned Europe, Asia and the United Kingdom. Follow @NedZelic on Twitter.
After years playing abroad and a 20-goal career for the Socceroos, David turned his hand to football punditry and is a beach football fanatic. Follow @zdrila on Twitter.
Scott’s passion and knowledge of Asian football has consolidated his reputation as Australia’s foremost Asian football expert.
Vitor commentates for SBS and works as a presenter for The World Game. His passion for European football resonates through his blogs. Follow @Vitor_TWG on Twitter.
Philip Micallef is a football writer with almost 40 years of experience. He has worked for News Limited and now SBS. He is a long-time follower of AC Milan.
The Circus is The World Game's regular look at the beautiful game from left field. So join us every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for something a little more light-hearted than the norm.
British-born Tim works as a journalist and has lived in Brazil since 1994 and provides unrivalled knowledge of South American football.
Hailing from Amsterdam, Ajax tragic Cornell vander Heyden has over 12 years of journalism experience and cites covering the 2006 World Cup among his career highlights. Follow @dvanda101 on Twitter.