The Circus - 3 May

Getting behind the new man

Maybe having an Englishman in charge of the English football team unsettles some people. Maybe it makes them feel racially culpable, as if not having a foreign coach is an act of bigotry.

Maybe that's why some members of the English press welcomed Roy Hodgson to the job of national team manager by bringing up his past as a player in apartheid-era South Africa.

You can see how the matter is relevant to team selection and tactics. "Roy, you gonna play four at the back? Oh, and is Rio going to have to ride up the back of the bus?"

The implication, The Circus assumes, is that Hodgson is a fascist. So much the better for English football. After all, look at how well Germany, Spain and Italy have performed on the global stage. And Brazil? Well, we've all seen that movie, haven't we? We all know their dirty little secret.

Or maybe, just maybe, the affairs of 40 years ago – especially when they involved the impact one English footballer had on the sociopolitical situation of South Africa – are completely irrelevant. Hodgson’s slight speech impediment, on the other hand... now that’s a matter that needs thorough investigation.

A wee dram... I mean, just a small one, love

Foreign accent syndrome is a real life thingy. We know because it's on Wikipedia.

Imagine if Sir Alex Ferguson was affected by FAS. Imagine how much more entertaining his sideline fracases would be if, instead of screaming like an irascible Scot, he suddenly started screaming like Kenneth Williams, or Desmond Tutu, or Steve McLaren.

Whether that would quell his urges to almost punch people like Roberto Mancini is another matter, particularly if Liam Gallagher can be believed:

“Fergie’s been on the whiskey,” was one of the (former? current? future?) Oasis frontman’s zingers in case you missed it. Of course, when it comes to authorities on whiskey consumption, Liam is like David Attenborough to dung beetles. So his words should carry a certain gravitas.

Although they'd carry more gravitas if he woke up one day speaking like Roy Hodgson, at least according to The Sun.

Did I do that?

Alexander Soderlund is a relaxed kind of cove. He's oh so casual, oh so cool, oh so lame:

Cats, mats and the act of sitting

Not content with virtually killing Manchester United’s title defence, Manchester City is now taunting its cross-town rival with the basest insult known to humankind: poetry.

Asked if City is, like, so over United now, David Silva said: “We beat them here, we beat them there.”

“We beat them bleedin’ everywhere,” he didn’t add. The fool. The crazy, mad, adorable fool.

The Circus understands other teams, keen to replicate Manchester City’s now likely premiership success, are searching for a player capable of rhyming couplets. They are also after a lunatic and a really expensive striker who hates the team, the city, the manager and isn’t too keen on actually training or playing.

The spoken word

"I am getting stronger every day. I am happy to be back I am just happy to be able to speak to people again and walk freely."

- Recovering heart attack victim and Bolton player Francis Muamba reflects on bigger things than football before the match against Spurs.