As Liverpool figures out how best to get Andy Carroll to fire, a Brazilian footballer learns it pays to be environmentally friendly.
A game within a game
ROI – not the next Brazilian football star but what those types in 4WDs call getting your money’s worth. Liverpool, sick of not getting its money’s worth out of Andy Carroll, has invented a new game, one that he’s actually good at.
Flush with confidence at hitting a soft ball over a tiny net with a child’s toy, Carroll subsequently starred in the Reds’ 10-man win over Blackpool, a club that obviously does not have a secondary make-believe game to fall back on.
Bet that made Kenny Dalglish happy:
Then again, maybe not.
At least John Barnes seemed chuffed... or to be having a stroke:
Perhaps Roberto Mancini should invent a game to improve the output of Mario Ballotelli, something that combines all the stuff he’s actually good at. How about ‘kicking gold darts at the legs of homeless from the window of a supercar’? Or what the marketeers might call KGDATLOHFTWOAS.
The Circus thinks it’s more likely to catch on than Ballotelli’s other game – BASL, or as the uninitiated refer to it: breaking Alex Song’s leg.
The official line
Interestingly - or, more accurately, amazingly - Ballotelli escaped any sanction for the above challenge because in the ref's opinion it did not constitute a foul at the time.
The same man thinks Germany's invasion of Poland was just a bit of cross-border japery and Highlander 2 was not a violent affront to all that is good and decent in the world.
And things only got worse for officialdom when UEFA fined Manchester City $38,000 for tardiness and Porto just €12,666 for racism. Priorities much?
God help you if turn up late when denigrating someone for their ethnicity; unless you try to cleave their shin in two with the studs of your boot - then you'll probably win a prize.
Like a night out with Mohamed Al Fayed so he can explain why referees are easier to sway than Royal Inquiries into the death of princesses.
Yes, all is going swimmingly in football land. No wonder Sepp Blatter is dancing.
Under the bridge
Motherwell's bus driver may have found the mother lode of trouble after getting the team stuck under an Edinburgh bridge after its 1-1 draw with Hibs.
The incident got The Circus a-wondering: when was the last time someone in football misjudged the height of something so badly?
Corruption of youth
Remember that Simpson's episode when Homer wins a Grammy and he gives it to the bellhop who tosses it over the hotel balcony?
Ladies and gentlemen, AC Milan midfielder Sulley Muntari is football's Grammy award:
Nice one, kid - he's not going to be led astray.
Notice something amiss in the pic? That's right, the plastic bag. Most environmentally unfriendly.
Next time you buy soft porn literature, Felipe Baloy, insist on a paper bag - the earth will love you for it. And they're more opaque.
The spoken word
“We will win the World Cup in 2014.” – Brazil boss Mano Menezes throws petrol on the host nation’s bonfire of hope leading into the next World Cup.
Italy’s (and Mario Ballotelli’s) manager, Cesare Prandelli, also believes he will win the World Cup in 2014... the World Cup of KGDATLOHFTWOAS.
Meet Our Bloggers
Fondly known as 'Mr Football', Les has been directly involved in all
the major events covered by SBS Sport, including five World Cup
football tournaments. Follow @lesmurraysbs on Twitter.
As SBS’s chief football analyst, Craig provides expert opinion and unrivalled insight. He has also represented the Socceroos and played abroad. Follow @Craig_Foster on Twitter.
Considered one of Australia's most gifted players, Ned Zelic represented the Socceroos 34 times over a decorated career that spanned Europe, Asia and the United Kingdom. Follow @NedZelic on Twitter.
After years playing abroad and a 20-goal career for the Socceroos, David turned his hand to football punditry and is a beach football fanatic. Follow @zdrila on Twitter.
Scott’s passion and knowledge of Asian football has consolidated his reputation as Australia’s foremost Asian football expert.
Vitor commentates for SBS and works as a presenter for The World Game. His passion for European football resonates through his blogs. Follow @Vitor_TWG on Twitter.
Philip Micallef is a football writer with almost 40 years of experience. He has worked for News Limited and now SBS. He is a long-time follower of AC Milan.
The Circus is The World Game's regular look at the beautiful game from left field. So join us every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for something a little more light-hearted than the norm.
British-born Tim works as a journalist and has lived in Brazil since 1994 and provides unrivalled knowledge of South American football.
Hailing from Amsterdam, Ajax tragic Cornell vander Heyden has over 12 years of journalism experience and cites covering the 2006 World Cup among his career highlights. Follow @dvanda101 on Twitter.