As Gareth Bale comically channelled Cristiano Ronaldo, Mario Balotelli looked to a more divine source for inspiration.
By
The Circus, Pat Devery

22 Aug 2013 - 4:03 PM  UPDATED 3 Mar 2014 - 4:59 PM

The second coming

Fresh from his private audience with the Pope, Mario Balotelli is now walking on water.

All of which leads to the question: is the enigmatic Italian striker Jesus for Gen Y?

And if so, how far have divine standards fallen?

He has performed miracles of a sort:

But it isn’t clear where Mario stands on the whole 'blessed be the poor" stuff.

Until he turns its Datsun 120Y into a Maserati, The Circus isn’t willing to concede Mario is the messiah, just a very naughty boy.

And speaking of miracles, the manager of Larkhall Athletic FC has stirred from an induced coma upon hearing his football team won (let’s hope nothing ever happens to Frank Farina or he’ll never wake up).

Wayne Thorne was placed into the coma due to severe injuries suffered in a car accident.

The Circus hopes Larkhall keeps up its winning ways and speeds Wayne’s recovery with many a goal - hopefully some of them like this:

Quacking game play

In happy news for little children and lonely single men everywhere, EA Sports has released its trailer for the FIFA 14 video game.

As anyone who plays video games will not need to be told, the trailer is narrated by wheelchair-bound mutant Professor Charles Xavier.

But the Circus reckons it would have been much better if VfL Bochum manager Peter Neururer did it:

Doppelgangers

Frustrated at not being transferred to Real Madrid, Spurs star Gareth Bale is attempting to access the Spanish super club by disguising himself as Cristiano Ronaldo.

Wonder if the same trick would work for malcontent Wayne Rooney? Probably only if he was seeking a transfer to Dreamworks Studios.

Spoken word

'Paul has a certain type of personality – he reminds me of myself 10 years ago when I was complaining every decision, when I wanted to coach my team and at the same time have a whistle at my lips. He's a young manager, very intelligent, he will change."

Jose Mourinho, speaking after Chelsea’s controversial win over Villa, demonstrates how he has changed over the last 10 years - he’s become more patronising.