All I get is bitter and a nasty little rash
It was five years ago to the day when an old, blind beggar woman at the train station told The Circus to beware the day a cat upstaged a Brad Friedel clean sheet at Anfield.
The Circus tossed some coppers her way and laughed contemptuously. 'Brad Freidel?’ It thought. 'He's allergic to cats. I'll never have to worry about that mad old woman and her peculiar gift for seeing into the future again. Never ever again.’
But when The Circus's google alert for "cat and Brad Friedel and Anfield and clean sheet" finally picked something up, you better believe it broke into a sweat colder than the grave itself:
The Circus isn't the only one concerned. Kenny Dalglish looks like he's trying to remember when he signed the cat... and why he didn't sub it for Andy Carroll earlier in the match.
Perhaps this diagram would help him work it out.
Now, as The Circus shivers under its covers waiting for the dire consequences of the soothsayer's prophecy, it wonders which others of the old woman's predictions will turn out to be true - like the one about John Terry being bad news for Italian bosses, Harry Redknapp becoming coach of the same nation that had just unsuccessfully tried to fry him for tax evasion or Joey Barton being a dick.
Since the dawn of time, human kind has dreamed of controlling the elements, bending them to our own will to perform all sorts of miraculous feats. Seems Michael Rios has finally worked it out:
Keen observers will note the wind was so strong during that match it even turned the video the wrong way around.
The elements had nothing to do with Rodrigo Palacio's utterly unbelievable effort, however, unless some wind emanated from the same location he pulled this back heel from:
A numbers game
Sepp Blatter has given $250,000 of his organisation's money to families of victims of Egypt's football lunacy, which resulted in 73 people dying. That works out to be about three grand per family, or 0.004 per cent of FIFA's "surplus"; surplus being the term non-profit bodies use for "profit".
Put another way, the figure represents 0.075 per cent of $40,000 bribes allegedly offered to Caribbean officials.
And while on the topic of 'Arry's judge, his instruction to jurors sitting on the Spurs' boss tax evasion case centred on ignoring football when considering their verdict.
If only Graeme Souness or Frank Farina had been part of the 12 no such direction would have been necessary.
The spoken word
"I do know Man United fans are going to try to make me feel uncomfortable. But I have to tell them, they are going to spur me on if they whistle at me."
- Friend of disadvantaged black children Luis Suarez says cat calls from Mancester United fans will only inspire him to greater heights when Liverpool travels to Old Trafford on the weekend. One can only wonder what inspired him to kick Scott Parker in the chest in his comeback game on Monday.