Instead, here are 30 things you may or may not know about the Real Madrid multiple Ballon d’Or winner, one for each year of his remarkable life.
1. Let's start with the girlfriend situation. While Ronaldo might be single now after his relationship with Irinia Shayk ended, his scoring off the pitch has been as impressive as that on it. Prior to his five-year liaison with Russian model Shayk, Cristiano has also spent some quality time with Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton, to name just two. Many other women have claimed to have enjoyed "relations" with the man, but we'll leave that to the tabloids to continue to speculate on.
2. His free kick speed is said to be about 130km/h, and the acceleration of the ball off his foot has been said to be more than four times faster than the speed of a space-bound rocket off a launch pad. You don't want to be in the way of one of these thunderbolts.
3. He is named after Ronald Reagan, not for political reasons, because the former US President was his father's favourite actor.
4. Speaking of his father, he is the reason Ronaldo never drinks. Jose Dinis Aveiro died aged 52 as a result of alcohol abuse. That's as good a reason as any not to touch a drop.
5. Ronaldo has no tattoos. A rarity not only among professional athletes but the majority of those in his generation. Ronaldo doesn't want to risk infections, as he donates blood twice a year. Admit it: you wouldn't mind some of that super juice pumping through your veins.
6. In 2005, aged just 20, Ronaldo was arrested on suspicion of rape while a player for Manchester United. Two women in their 20s accused the star of assaulting them in a penthouse suite in London, but the case was dropped. Ronaldo always said it was a stitch up.
7. Ronaldo was expelled from school when he was 14. He claimed a teacher disrespected him, so he hurled a chair at the schoolmaster.
8. Not long after the chair incident, Ronaldo was diagnosed with a racing heart that could have ended his footballed career. After laser surgery to correct the fault he was cleared of the ailment, and we all know what happened to his football career thereafter.
9. Ronaldo has the nickname of 'Cry Baby' thanks to his mother. "He cried and got angry very easily," Dolores Aveiro once said. He cried "if a team-mate didn't pass him the ball, if he or someone else missed a goal or a pass, or if the team wasn't playing how he wanted," she added.
10. Ronaldo wanted to wear No. 28 at Manchester United because he was nervous about taking the famus No. 7 given the names that had worn it before him. They included George Best, Bryan Robson, Eric Cantona and David Beckham. Boss Alex Ferguson wasn't having any of it and told Ronaldo to see the shirt as a source of motivation. The pressure was on but it's fair to say he dealt with it quite well.
11. If you thought Tim Cahill had the best leap in football, think again. Ronaldo jumps higher than the average NBA player and his highest jump has been recorded at around three metres. That day, he scored with a header from more than 11 metres from goal.
12. When Ronaldo jumps, he generates five times more power than a cheetah does in a full flight.
13. Ronaldo is not short of a dollar or two. It would take him 6 days, 9 hours, 17 minutes and 5 seconds to earn what US President Barack Obama earns in one year.
14. Ronaldo is not the highest paid athlete in the world. He is second on Forbes's list of sports stars, behind boxer Floyd Mayweather who now earns about $40 million per fight. Ronaldo earns $80 million a year, $28 million of that coming from sponsorship deals.
15. Ronaldo has less body fat than a supermodel, carrying just 10 per cent to the average catwalk girl's 13 per cent.
16. Cristiano attributes his lucky break into football to his friend Albert Fantrau. "We played together for a youth club. When people from Sporting arrived, they told us that whoever scored more goals would be accepted to their Academy," Ronaldo revealed.
"We won that game 3-0, I scored the first goal, then Albert scored a header, and the third was a goal that impressed everyone. Albert went one-on-one with the goalkeeper. I was running next to him, he went round the keeper' all he needed to do was just to get the ball into the empty net.
"But he passed it to me and I scored. I was accepted to the Academy. After the match, I approached him and asked him why and he answered" 'You're better than me'."
Fantrau never made it as a player but still drives fancy cars and lives well. That’s all thanks to his old mate Cristiano.
17. Ronaldo dribbled with weights on his feet while training as a teenager, to improve his speed and agility when not weighed down.
18. Manchester United defender John O'Shea required oxygen after a pre-season game against Sporting when Ronaldo was a player there. United lost 3-1 and Gerard Houllier tells the story that after the match, the players said to Ferguson: "You have to sign him."
19. Speaking of Houllier, he missed out on Ronaldo while manager at Liverpool because he didn't want to meet the young stars wage demands. That was a year before he signed for the Red Devils.
20. Ronaldo is the only player in history to play for Sporting's U-16, U-17, U-18, B-team and the first team within one season.
21. Ronaldo has scored in every minute of a match, including 22 times in the 90th minute or beyond, his favourite time to score. His second favourite time to score is the 45th minute. Guarantees you headlines.
22. During a full weight training session, the Portuguese will lift a cumulative weight in excess of 16 new Toyota Prius cars.
23. Tests have proved that Ronaldo's reaction time in a game is so fast he could circumnavigate the world more than 31 hours faster than the world's fastest bullet train.
24. Ronaldo used to play in boots that were one-and-a-half sizes too small, because he wanted his feet to be completely tight in the shoe. He was warned it could have long-term ill effects on his physical capacity. Whether he still does is not known.
25. Ronaldo can hit the back of the net in pitch darkness. Here's the proof.
26. CR7 has scored against every team in La Liga.
27. Real Madrid has insured its most valuable player's legs for $151.5 million.
28. Ronaldo's first transfer fee was paid by the means of footballs, given to his local club by Sporting. Bargain.
29. The quirky winger always leaves the team bus last.
30. Ronaldo is a serious philanthropist, donating millions to charity each year. He's particularly fond of cancer charities, given his mother suffered breast cancer, and also helped build a cancer ward for children in his native Madeira.
